A Response to Amy Glass and Her Looking Down on Housewives

Amy Glass is apparently a pretty important person that she can judge a whole segment of society.  Her blog post titled “I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry”, and can be found here, although I hesitate to send more people to her site.  Here is what I think about her post.

I do think that someone who stays at home with the kids and takes care of the house is on equal footing with someone who works outside the home.  I can only assume that Mrs. Glass has no children.  If she did, she would realize that raising them is a fairly important task(read the MOST important task).  Maybe she believes, like so many others today, having school teachers raise their children is the best way to do things.  I respect any person’s choice to either work in the home, or outside of it.  I have no way of knowing a specific families situation, but to argue that the raising of children is less important than making money is preposterous.  Obviously Mrs. Glass has chosen a career outside the home as the correct choice for her.  Our family has chosen to have someone stay at home with the kids.  But I would never “look down” on someone who chooses a different path.

You are right about marriage and the ability to parent, or as you put it being “able to get knocked up”, being average.  Anyone can do it.  But anyone can also build a rocket.  That’s not to say that the rocket won’t blow up in their face.  Just as marriage or parenting can blow up in your face if you don’t take it seriously, plan for the future, and put a lot of care into it, treat it like a job even.  Because it is a job.  They are the two most important jobs in the world.  The fact that more than half of the marriages in this country end up in divorce really illustrates the point.  Being in a committed and loving marriage, is a lot of work, and something that SHOULD be celebrated.  That is why you see people having milestone anniversary parties, it is a big accomplishment.  Just as taking time to be a good parent should be celebrated.  Don’t get me wrong, if you hike across Asia and want to throw a party for your amazing achievement, kick up.  Send me an invite and I’ll make sure to write a nice card and bring you a nice bottle of wine.  I’ll be ecstatic for you, seriously I will.  But being a good husband/wife is no less a feat.  By the way, I know plenty of people/families who throw big parties when someone graduates college, graduates from medical school, or throws other parties for major accomplishments.  Amy, maybe you just aren’t getting the invites because you seem like kind of a downer.

And you are again right that it would be harder, or near impossible, to hike across Asia after having kids.  To me that is a reason to celebrate marriage/parenthood all the more.  What an amazing self sacrifice you are making for the betterment of another.  I honestly can’t think of better examples of love than to donate of yourself for another.

By the way Mrs. Glass, I am a stay at home dad and I will be happy to talk to you about how hard it is to manage a household.  It’s ridiculous.  Did I mention I started and owned a business before getting married and having kids.  While managing schedules, employees, customers, paying taxes, purchasing product, managing payroll, etc. was difficult, managing a household full of kids isn’t even close, not by a longshot.  But as for satisfaction, my current occupation, vocation rather, has far more of it.  Schooling, playing, disciplining, nurturing, encouraging, and teaching, along with a host of other responsibilities are far more rewarding.  Along with my wife, I am helping to raise four (soon to be five) amazing people.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my wife is a doctor, I’ll give you two guesses which job she thinks is more important in the grand scheme of things.  At this point you should only need one.

I make it a point not to look down on ANYONE.  I can only imagine you aren’t married and don’t have children.  So I am sad for you, that you would think so little of a huge group of people that do so much for their families.  I don’t pretend to hope to change your mind, my guess is you will never read this because it doesn’t have the shock value your blog does.  I can only pray that some day you are able to experience the joy that I find being a lowly house husband.

Barn-Hop

 

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21 Responses to A Response to Amy Glass and Her Looking Down on Housewives

  1. Fantastic response, and such a refreshing perspective coming from a stay at home dad. Thanks heaps for this post.

  2. SlimJim says:

    The poor thing seems to be bitter and angry about something. Pitiful. She futilely lashes out at other people that don’t make decisions in a way she approves. She seems to have no capacity to understand those who are not like her. Nor does she seem to have any desire too understand them either.

    No accomplishment can fill the void in her life. Career goals attained, personal physical ambitions met, and scorn heaped with impunity on lesser people are all unsatisfactory. Like Teppanyaki, it brings her brief flavorful and showy satiety only to leave her hungry again an hour later. Her needs won’t be met in her current activities animated as they are by her beliefs. Sad. You could inform her as to where she would find comfort, but throwing pearls before swine is futile.

    You need not respond directly to folk like her. Pointing her out and juxtaposing it with the life you post here on the blog is contrary argument enough to refute her silly premise. An example of a life well lived is far more persuasive than any contrary argument anyway.

    I have a theory about what draws certain people like Miss Amy into the hatred of liberal feminism (distinct as it is from standard feminism, the idea of equal opportunity for women to pursue nontraditional roles, liberal feminism disallows choice, women must eschew traditional roles to pursue traditionally male dominated occupations at the expense of familial roles). My theory is not complete, and is currently undergoing testing with my own daughter (results available in 2034), but I believe that an involved father in a girl’s life while growing up tends to inoculate them from venomous views that people like Amy spew. When they encounter them as young adults and compare feminist theory with their own actual experience, they immediately identify the dissonance between the ideology and their experience and choose personal experience over theoretical notions of patriarchy. Reasonable adults put it into context and move on. Children from less stronger families tend to pursue these ideas wasting their time but hopefully learning from their experience while losing enthusiasm and gaining cynicism along the way.

    That is not a bad path. It is one I followed. Often a quote attributed to Sir Winston Churchill goes, a man that is not a liberal by age 19, has no heart. But if he is not a conservative by age 30, he has no head. Unfortunately some get stuck on the path and never mature beyond a feelings based worldview. They don’t use their minds to think critically about their worldview thereby rejecting that which is unfounded.

    One can do little but pity them and give them opportunity to see their errors. Sew a seed in love, nurture it with optimism in the certainty that God will work His part to change a wretch into a remarkable and beautiful flower. Then end you part of your responsibility.

    Anyway, I learned your wife is a doctor. A physician? Or does she have a Pile higher and Deeper (Ph.D) degree? My better half tells me I have earned my doctorate in philosophy every time I have a few too many glasses of wine but no lambskin with my name on it to proclaim my philosophical musings. That’s her polite way of saying it is time for me to lay off and shut up.

    I am curious to learn more about that as well as your previous experiences as an entrepreneur. And as long as you are receptive, I would enjoy reading about your experience with homeschooling too.

    • SlimJim,
      Well said. I tend to agree with your theory about fathers and daughters, but I too won’t have any tangible data for many years as my girls are 4 and 21 months. I also concur on true feminism. The feminist movement has been hijacked, unfortunately most people haven’t realized it.

      I love the quote attributed to Sir Winston Churchill, mostly because it describes me perfectly.

      My wife is a Family Practice Doctor, and if you ask me a wonderful one, although I am prejudiced. If you ask her patients they would agree.

      A lifetime ago I had a landscape company. I could write something about that at some point in the future if it seems relevant.

      I think I have written a little bit about homeschooling, but if you have specific questions I would be happy to address them to the best of my ability.

      As always, thanks for the great conversation.

  3. Thank you! When I first read this blog post I was insulted and angry. Then I felt really sorry for her. Now I’m working in genuinely accepting she can feel this way and it doesn’t affect me.

    I, too, have had professional positions and now as a mom I think I have it harder. :) A) there are no days off and the hours are extraordinarily long! B) it’s rare your colleagues will burst out crying when you tell them, “No.” C) in a professional position there is less chance your colleagues are literally forming their lives after your example.

    These are a handful of reasons from a list that can go on and on.

    Regardless I appreciate your perspective and want to give you an “‘atta boy!” For being a stay at home dad. Wish there were more men as committed as you to childrearing.

  4. jolynnpowers says:

    Wow did someone miss the educational bus or what? I guess that since I am an old woman who is married and has a young child, who chose to stay home to raise the second son in my life, I was not included in the hit taken by anyone who has had to raise children… Well after quitting my full time job and giving up our second income to raise a well rounded human being I am just a little put off… and I am sure their are lots and lots of families that would be.

    • I commend you on your decision. And that isn’t to say that I “look down” on anyone who chooses to work, that is their choice. I just couldn’t get past the looking down on someone for their personal choices, it really put me off. Thanks for commenting.

  5. carolapv says:

    So glad to read your honest words about the value and hard work involved in raising children who will become responsible adults! I didn’t read Amy’s blog but I can guess the rhetoric–I am tired of the loud voice of some feminists. (I agree with Slim Jim’s definition of standard feminists and liberal feminists.) I’m visiting from the Homestead Barn Hop.

  6. Lynda says:

    She’s an idiot and so is her mother for being unable to achieve the simplest task of motherhood…which is raising a respectable and compassionate human being. Instead her mother raised a presumptuous, insecure, unpleasant, impolite fool. I too would be pissed at life if I were her.

    • Well, I don’t know her so I won’t judge her, but I am sad for her. The other option is that she is calculating and used the article only to get publicity. Either way it is sad. Thanks for stopping by and your comment.

      • Lynda says:

        I’m going to judge her. When an individual writes something such as what she had written, they open themselves up for judgment. But don’t take my word for it, let me give you an example.

        Your read her vomit at the mouth session. As you know, in just a couple of paragraphs, she states that having children and being married are “super easy tasks”. She proceeds to stated that these two acts are average and women are settling to be average. Taking it one step further she says women are applauded for doing nothing and it’s the path of least resistance. The vomit continues as she states women will never exceptional with husband and kids, we lack of real accomplishments and have been conditioned to think stupid things are “important.”

        But, have you read her attempt to bring clarity to her crap? It just gets worse. The idiot back tracks saying that she feels being a mother is hard work. On the same side of her face she says it’s a task not worthwhile just because it’s hard. She says we need to outsource “hard” tasks so that you can free up your time to do more valuable things. Which implies that she feels marriage and children are not valuable things. She feels resources are necessary to have a child so that our lives aren’t without slow down. She furthers to upchuck the fact that she thinks having a family means giving up a dream and this, she feels, is weak. She stated she looks down people she feels are weak. She closes her bull crap by saying that people who surround themselves by family are running away from something by surrounding.

        But HERE is where, I find, it gets interesting. In her Hillary Clinton vomit session, I’m going to simply quote what she says.

        “The great thing about Feminism is that it means that women can do anything. You can be a working woman or a stay at home mother and both choices are equally valid. There is no “wrong way” to do feminism.”

        “This means that as good feminists, we never judge the choices of other women.”

        “If a woman wants to not have kids so she can focus on her career, we’ll pat her on the back. If she wants to be a kept wife, that’s her choice to freely make. We applaud all choices equally.”

        “If you meet a woman that has saved lives as a surgeon, she isn’t any more impressive than a woman who became a nurse so she could better balance her schedule with her role as a mother. Besides, no one could ever become a surgeon in the first place without a mother.”

        “All accomplishments are equal because what women want and choose to have are different.”

        “I don’t want my daughters to grow up in a world where the content of their choice is judged as if she could make a right or wrong decision. The only thing they need to know is that she is a woman and as such any choice she makes is to be met with universal approval.”

        “Just as we tell men they can follow their dreams and accomplish just as much in life by being a full-time dad rather than working a job, we applaud women for making this same decision. Raising kids, managing a household and working a job are all equally important. There is no good or bad, there is only equal.”

        I don’t feel sorry for her. She is one of two things. She is either a brilliant girl who knows exactly how to get traffic on her page or she is an ignorant, bitter, selfish, condescending little twit who doesn’t know her head from her ass.

  7. Lynda says:

    BTW, I keep posting a response to her writing …and….not to my surprise it keeps getting deleted!

  8. thank you for bringing her post to my attention…my guess is that her life has not worked out the why she wanted and and trying to make herself believe it has. It also sounds like she has never tried being married with children to see how difficult it can be but that it doesn’t limit you or your family on what you can do.

  9. Lisa says:

    I really do love your response to this. I am a stay at home mother of three. It has only been the past two years, though. My husband and I did some math and realized that, we would actually be better off (financially) if I stayed home. I am ashamed to say, my idea of a stay at home parent, was that it was easy. Of course, I realized, pretty quickly that it was a lot of work. That being said, this has been the most rewarding work I have ever done. I can’t tell you how often I hear, “so what do you do all day?” or ” what’s it like not to work?”. At first those questions, really bothered me. It wasn’t until I actually thought about, how even I thought that way at one point in time. So now, if someone asks me one of those questions, it always brings a little smile to my face. They have no clue =). I also have some stay at home father friends. I truly feel bad for them sometimes. They are met with such prejudice, that it’s scary. As for some (notice I did say some) of those so called feminists’, feminism is about women having a CHOICE, and being treated fairly, not being a man hater. Just because some women choose to stay at home, doesn’t mean that we are any less a feminist. Again, thank you for your polite response to this. I love that you kept an open mind and wrote with strong conviction with out being abrasive or rude. You are right though, she will probably not change her mind, and again that is okay.

    • Thanks for your kind words. I feel fortunate that I have felt much of that prejudice your friends experience. Most of the time I am affirmed, or other dads say they couldn’t do it, or something like that. I also have found that expectations for fathers are so low from society in general that just by doing anything I am praised. I even posted about it. Thanks for your comment and for stopping by. Enjoy those kids of yours!

  10. Kathi says:

    I was unaware of Mrs. Glass’ opinion. I agree with you that being a parent and a spouse is a LOT of work and isn’t to be taken lightly. Hubby and I – who will celebrate our 40th anniversary this year – have raised 4 wonderful kids who are now wonderful adults. Thank you for sharing this at the HomeAcre Hop; I hope you’ll join us again this Thursday.
    Kathi at Oak Hill Homestead

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